Too much gin, very little bucket
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
