I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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