that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
