Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
