sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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