And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
