i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
