I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
