she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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