i just google imaged poop.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
