from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
