dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
