Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
