I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
