Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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