We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
