I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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