So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
