So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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