this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
