My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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