After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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