you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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