wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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