Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
