the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sorry my hands just texted you
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
