It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
