He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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