when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
