I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
