i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
