the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
