i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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