Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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