I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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