just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
