he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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