i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm just crazy horny about you
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
