every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
