I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
