if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
