Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
