found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
