I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
