i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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