so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
