I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
