Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
