I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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