oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He shit in the fireplace
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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