She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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