No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
