It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wish they made helmets for livers.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
