She is in my trunk
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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