Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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