Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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