1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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