I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize