your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
