fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
