He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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