she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
