we're blogging at a bar
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
