Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
what day is it and did you see me today?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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