I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
