the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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