I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just high enough for therapy.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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