that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
