I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
