Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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