I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
