The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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