its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
