I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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