Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
