Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
