I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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