Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize