sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
