U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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