You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
is it fun? or sober?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
