Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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