I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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