so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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