Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
