An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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