She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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