thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
