It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
