i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
