He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
